Engagements, Weddings, and Everything in Between
This last week or so, I have been reflecting on Valentine’s Day as a married man of two years. I think about all I’ve learned in my relationship with my wife. When we were dating, she told me that she didn’t care much about Valentine’s Day or flowers. These last two years, I have learned that even if that’s true, flowers never hurt.
Maybe Valentine’s Day is just another excuse companies use to squeeze more money out of couples, but that does not negate the beautiful focus on love and relationships during this time of year. Let’s talk about it:
“Engagement is the closest we will get to being able to understand the experience of Jesus right now as he waits for his bride, the Church.”
Love, infatuation, passion. We use all of these words to describe the nature of our relationships with our significant others. While my two years of marriage do not quite qualify me to speak to the realities of marriage, my experience working in the wedding industry with my wife as a photographer does mean that I have seen enough engagements and weddings to last a lifetime.
Traditionally, engagement signifies the “taken” status of two individuals. They are officially off the market and no longer have to participate in bouquet and garter tosses at weddings (a true blessing, really).
The proposals are supposed to be beautiful and meaningful. The engagement period is supposed to be filled with cake tastings and wedding dress fittings. However, the reality for many is that engagement marks one of the most stressful periods of their lives. One survey said that 71% of couples expressed that the wedding planning process was more stressful than other major life events such as getting a new job or buying a house. How then should we as believers approach weddings? How do we avoid that stress?
Budget
From a practical standpoint, money is one of the largest causes of conflict in a (soon-to-be) marriage. Proverbs 21:20 speaks about being a wise steward of the gifts that God has given. While it is fun to have a huge wedding and extravagant party, the financial strain is not worth it in the end. Determine the amount of money you have available to spend, then determine which things are the most important (venue, flowers, photography, etc.). Then make wise decisions.
Remember each other
Something that my wife tells every panicking bride when something inevitably goes wrong during the wedding day is, “At the end of the day, if you two say I do, then today was a success.” In all of the planning and details, the focus of the wedding sometimes shifts to things that are unimportant. There are a million and one details to put together and everyone (parents, in-laws, wedding party, and your crazy aunt Suzy) is going to want to have their thoughts and opinions known. However, the focus of the day is on three individuals: the bride, the groom, and God. In Genesis 2, we see the first wedding. God creates Eve from Adam, and it is He who joins them together. Marriage is not just a legal union between two people, it is a spiritual reality of God binding two people’s hearts and souls together.
Remember Jesus’ bride
When I was in high school, someone told me something I have never forgotten. He was recently engaged and telling some of us high school seniors about the experience. He said that engagement is the closest we will get to being able to understand the experience of Jesus right now as he waits for his bride, the Church. Jesus came to earth, “courted” his bride, and paid a great cost to bring her off the market to Himself. Now, as we live in an age after the first coming and before the second, Jesus, the bridegroom, waits in anticipation for his bride to be brought to him. In Revelation 19 we see the celebration of the wedding supper of the Lamb as his bride, the church, is brought before him, holy and pure. So, as the engagement season goes on, look to Christ and his anticipation for the church, and model your relationship on that principle.
Maybe you’re single or maybe you’ve been married for fifty years, but this message still holds true for all.
For the married:
1) Honor the blessings God has given to your life.
2) Don’t forget the special nature of the relationship you share with your spouse alone, even over your children.
3) Look forward to being a part of your next wedding as the bride of Christ.
For the single or dating:
1) Honor the blessings God has given to your life.
2) Don’t lose sight of the relationship you have with God. Whether you get married or not, you are a worthy and important part of the Church. Serve and love Christ above all.
3) Look forward to being a part of your first/last wedding as the bride of Christ.
Zach is the Minister of Worship and Students at Redeemer and joined the team in early 2022. He and his wife Madison live in Terrell. You can connect with Zach here.